A Memoir by Dajah, brought to you in part by a minor concussion.
Always upping the ante of wtf-ry, the events that just unfolded on the corner of 10th and Hancock will not soon be topped in hilarity and stupidity.
So, I arrive at Alisons house at around 9 PM to meet up with her to go to the bar for Nicole's birthday. As soon as I get out of my car, I hear a cat howling over and over again. I think it sounds like Alison's amazing six-pawed inbred wonder cat, Benny- and sure enough I find her trapped in a tree in front of the house. She's about 20 feet up. I spend 15 minutes trying to coax her down, and it doesn't work. Fuck it, we're leaving, the cat will figure it out.
No.
We return approximately four hours later, and Benny is still howling from the tree. Nicole decides we've got to get her down, and volunteers to climb up. For the record, this is not a tree designed for climbing, but she seems convinced this will all end well.
Wrong.
She takes off her boots, and instructs me to help her up. I should mention I'm wearing Ava's Coach wedge shoes which I suck at even walking in, much less participating at post-alcohol consumption ascensions of trees. Obviously this is no problem, I think. What could possibly go wrong? I brace one foot against the sidewalk, one near the tree, bend down and cup my hands above my knee. Nicole makes it halfway up before my foot slips off the sidewalk. She topples forward first, so I think we're falling together, so my hands instinctively fly forward to brace our roll onto the ground.
Nicole falls sideways. My ankle twists, I land hard on my ass, my momentum swings me backward at a horrifying speed and I SMASH the back of my head square onto the Toyota Corolla parked directly behind me. The impact rocked the car. I sit there stunned for a second, and seriously think I may have a concussion and black out. Luckily this does NOT happen, instead we are soon rolling on the ground in uncontrollable laughter.
Scene? No.
Benny remains in the tree, only our antics must have startled her. She starts inching out precariously onto a tiny branch, farther and farther from the tree trunk. Nicole and I panic. She's going to fall! Holy shit! I kick the shoes off, tear off my sweater, and Nicole and I are standing there on the sidewalk holding my hoodie like one of those circus trampolines designed for catching trapeze acrobats.
Benny falls.
She tumbles toward earth at terminal velocity. Nicole and I scream in preparation of her impact, running in circles a la the Three Stooges, trying to catch her before she smashes into the concrete. We miss with the hoodie, but Benny bounces off my arm, breaking her fall. She lightly tumbles to the ground, and my arm is covered in scratch marks. She goes inside and licks Nicole's face. I get no thank you.
Now my head hurts real bad.
Always upping the ante of wtf-ry, the events that just unfolded on the corner of 10th and Hancock will not soon be topped in hilarity and stupidity.
So, I arrive at Alisons house at around 9 PM to meet up with her to go to the bar for Nicole's birthday. As soon as I get out of my car, I hear a cat howling over and over again. I think it sounds like Alison's amazing six-pawed inbred wonder cat, Benny- and sure enough I find her trapped in a tree in front of the house. She's about 20 feet up. I spend 15 minutes trying to coax her down, and it doesn't work. Fuck it, we're leaving, the cat will figure it out.
No.
We return approximately four hours later, and Benny is still howling from the tree. Nicole decides we've got to get her down, and volunteers to climb up. For the record, this is not a tree designed for climbing, but she seems convinced this will all end well.
Wrong.
She takes off her boots, and instructs me to help her up. I should mention I'm wearing Ava's Coach wedge shoes which I suck at even walking in, much less participating at post-alcohol consumption ascensions of trees. Obviously this is no problem, I think. What could possibly go wrong? I brace one foot against the sidewalk, one near the tree, bend down and cup my hands above my knee. Nicole makes it halfway up before my foot slips off the sidewalk. She topples forward first, so I think we're falling together, so my hands instinctively fly forward to brace our roll onto the ground.
Nicole falls sideways. My ankle twists, I land hard on my ass, my momentum swings me backward at a horrifying speed and I SMASH the back of my head square onto the Toyota Corolla parked directly behind me. The impact rocked the car. I sit there stunned for a second, and seriously think I may have a concussion and black out. Luckily this does NOT happen, instead we are soon rolling on the ground in uncontrollable laughter.
Scene? No.
Benny remains in the tree, only our antics must have startled her. She starts inching out precariously onto a tiny branch, farther and farther from the tree trunk. Nicole and I panic. She's going to fall! Holy shit! I kick the shoes off, tear off my sweater, and Nicole and I are standing there on the sidewalk holding my hoodie like one of those circus trampolines designed for catching trapeze acrobats.
Benny falls.
She tumbles toward earth at terminal velocity. Nicole and I scream in preparation of her impact, running in circles a la the Three Stooges, trying to catch her before she smashes into the concrete. We miss with the hoodie, but Benny bounces off my arm, breaking her fall. She lightly tumbles to the ground, and my arm is covered in scratch marks. She goes inside and licks Nicole's face. I get no thank you.
Now my head hurts real bad.
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