Take This Band & Shove It

My video camera fucked up last night and started freezing while recording and doing other assorted dumb shit. So just now I was going through footage trying to see what my camera didn't eat, and this is the first clip that came up. Jack Bastard of The Altarboys between songs Saturday night:





Alison thought it was pretty great so I started editing the file after I transfered it to my laptop hard drive.
Meanwhile, to see if the camcorder itself was still fucking up, I set it on my couch and hit record to see if it would shut itself off like it was doing Saturday.
It did not shut off. I forgot it was on for 30 minutes. . . until this happened. Then I was glad it was still rolling.

(Turn the volume up)






Me: Tuning and Waiting, that's what I'm gonna call that clip. Unless you have a better idea. I thought Tuning and Waiting was. . .
Alison: . . . Pretty good. I was gonna say like-
Me: Waiting and Tuning?
Alison: . . . like, um . . . Best Solo Project Ever? Nate Doesn't Need This Band Anymore? Take This Band and Shove It?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While I was just now sitting here at the table using my laptop, a fucking giant daddy long legs spider descended from the ceiling and dropped RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE and just hovered there.
Also like three hours ago I had a truly horrifying ordeal in my bathroom where I had to POP some weird fucking super-strength cocoon this white spider had barricaded himself in above my shower, and he scurried out and DESPITE MY THOROUGH SATURATION JOB with bug-killer, he still managed to drop down from it and try and escape over the bathtub. I actually screamed, Jaden was there, she screamed too. I turned the shower on just in time and sprayed him to his doom.
Holy shit, dude.

The most elaborate / ridiculous / TOTALLY AWESOME thing ever.

Yesterday we liberated the horse at 2 PM. Dave (Jumpers) drove the getaway car- my sister's cabriolet convertible. My friend Kristy and I freed the animal.





I had my small video camera taped to my head so we could get first-person perspective shots of the whole thing.
I originally had planned to NOT be in the film. I've already planned out every detail of the heist and recovery, I didn't want to also have to be in the movie. But last minute changes left us short on liberators, so I did it. Kristy and I wore ski masks and black hoodies, jeans and boots.

Alison drove down to the target a few minutes early to get the camera white-balanced and otherwise set up. She returned a few minutes later to notify us that the people in the house right in front of the horse were ALL on their porch. Since I was 99% certain that the horse owner lived in that house, I feared we'd have to postpone our heist. Luckily, we didn't- they cleared out 10 minutes later and we resumed action.

Alison got some before shots of the animal, then Kristy and I got ready to go. She had the bolt cutters under her sweater, I had the bait card. We ran up to it, she held the chain while I positioned the bolt cutters and managed to break the lock on the first try. Kristy took off with the horse, I stayed for another few seconds to unloop the giant chain and stick the pole in the ground which held the bait card:

(Front)



(Back)



The rest of the clues were placed in the bar around the corner, called The Know. Whoever picked up the bait card (hopefully the owner) will figure out where to go to get the horse back.

At The Know, we pre-paid for a drink for whoever brought the card in. They will get the drink and a letter, written in cryptogram format. The code used is the periodic table of the elements- each element signifying a different letter of the alphabet. A cipher was included to break the code; a picture of the CH3CH2OH compound with the word "ethanol" and its relative coded symbols/elements. Once these known seven letters are plugged into the cryptogram, there will only be about half of the letters left to guess. We tested it on Heather and Lexi before hand to make sure it was easy, and they did it in less than a minute. The letter will read:

A map and key
are what you'll find
below the bar stool
with this sign

We then tied a picture of the ethanol compound to one of the bar stools. Underneath that stool is another envelope, this one containing a map and a key.




They will then be able to find the horse, tied up in the alley behind my house:



We gave her a bath, braided her hair and put ribbons in it.


BUT!!!!!
The bait wasn't taken last night, as we had hoped. Instead it was taken this morning. The Know doesn't open till 4, so I went down there an hour ago to see if there was an update. As soon as I walked in, the bartender asks if I saw the signs outside the door. As if this project couldn't get MORE awesome, it totally just did:








So, they came by before the bar opened. Which means they should be down there right about now, trying to decipher the ransom note and get their horse back.

Yesterday while we were setting up the clues at The Know, the owner was in there helping us out. He took my video camera and started interviewing people in the bar, asking them what they thought of the Horse Project, and what they'd think if someone were stealing the horses and leaving ransom notes. The last interview he did was with me, sitting at the bar, playing dumb. It's hilarious.

Meanwhile, the horse IS still chained up behind my house, with another note attached to her. It says:

To arrange an on-air interview
with your equine captors
you should contact:
horseliberation@gmail.com

I hope they continue to play with us, so we can put our ski masks back on and have Alison tape an interview with us all.
Hehehehe.

Either way, we'll have the short film edited hopefully by the weekend and will plan a premier screening down at The Know. Stay tuned.

Ladies, Start Your Horses.

The PDX Horse Liberation and Relocation Project Mission 1 launches in less than 8 hours.

Boltcutters and ski masks have been procured, ransom notes and treasure maps have been drawn up and $6000 professional video equipment has been lended.

Have you ever seen that Disneyworld commercial where the kid says, "I can't sleep! I'm too excited!" ??
Yeah, that's me right now.

. . . this is going to be SO awesome.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't wait to tell you about it when it's done.

Free The Horses

So I have this kind-of big/definitely rad project I'm working on. It's going to be awesome. Here's the gist:

If you're in Portland, Oregon you probably know about the Horse Project, but if you don't, go get yourself hip.

For the last two years I've been heading up the Horse Liberation and Relocation Project. It has been my own personal mission wherein I go to any lengths necessary to free a tied-down horse and relocate it somewhere, usually my own house. Call me an asshole, watch me care. Whatever.

ANYWAY.

I've recently begun a NEW twist on this old favorite- such as replacing the stolen horses with other stuff. Namely big plastic cars. Since cars replaced horses anyway, right? Damn, I'm clever.

THE POINT:
I found this amazing horse a few blocks from my house two weeks ago:




It's a basketball-sized plastic Cabbage Patch horse. It's obviously a challenge I cannot resist. It is also a magnificent opportunity to turn it into something else awesome, which is what Alison and I are doing.

First, we're going to video tape the heist using Portland Community Media's professional video equipment. We'll have (hopefully) and roller-skate up the street in ski-masks, holding bolt-cutters and a ransom note. They'll free the horse, and afix the note to the sidewalk-ring. There's more detail involved here, but you'll have to wait to get the whole story.

The ransom note will be the start of a treasure hunt (possibly involving local bar-hopping). Whoever finds it has to go to a bar, find the next clue, etc. There will be incentives. It will be amazing. Since this particular horse is so giant and obviously belongs to someone who lives on that block, I think we'll get action.

Now I've got to map out local bars and clue-hiding spots in typical horse-project areas of the city, because from now on every time I find one of these motherfuckers they're getting replaced with a ransom note. And THIS idea, while obviously time-consuming is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more awesome than me just lifting them off the street and herding them in my bedroom. Right? Right.

Once it's under way, I'm sending the info to the Horse Project founder, to put on his Horse Theives! page of his site. Hehehe.

Now hopefully I don't kick myself in the ass for spilling my guts about this here, before the fact.

I have been domesticated, Vol 2.

Last night I spent two hours cooking like $50 worth of food I bought. Jaden and I have meals to eat through the end of the weekend, easily. I made stuffed bell peppers, steak and potatoes with sautéed onions and jalapeños, asparagus and garlic bread and rice, etc. The fridge is full of food. It's kind of amazing.

NWNatural shut our gas off yesterday and I've opted to just leave it off (because it's June anyway, fuck that shit). But it's cold today, so I scored a RIDICULOUS quantity of (untreated) wood for free off craigslist. Which I totally filled my car with:

Sort of like when I was doing that epic gardening project last month and had my entire car full of rhododendron bushes and about 400 lbs of soil.

My Kia is a truck if I say it's a truck.

Anyway, Jaden helped me load it all up and now we have a nice cozy fire in our living room. Ta-da!

You should probably come over and watch movies with us, and drink hot cocoa and sit in front of it tonight. Just sayin'

Chariots of Rubber show @ Dante's.

All pictures from Friday night here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/spitfirehussy/sets/72157605384839256/




I've got another 250 photos to go through from this weekend. They'll be up later.