Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Did you chain a dinosaur outside my neighbor’s place?

This is the best out-of-the-blue question I've been asked, possibly ever.
Incidentally, the answer is no, but it could have been yes.

The parrotlet is currently sitting on my FOOT and just plucked the tiniest little hair out of my leg. I just shaved, there's nothing there, and yet this animal was able to tweeze something out. I yelped, impulsively yanked my foot back and sent the bird flying. In the time it took to write this, he's already back on my foot.

Today I had to take my sister's car to school. Why? My keys were missing. Surprise.
I was driving home an hour ago, reached over into the passenger seat to dig through my backpack and just happened to see them sitting on the seat. I swear they weren't there earlier. I believe there is a portal in my house which removes random important objects, holds them in limbo until I'm done looking for them, then puts them somewhere I already looked.

I fell asleep at school today, only once, but it could have been at least three times had I not shaken myself. In case you were wondering, I had four shots of espresso today. They did nothing. I'm still sitting here yawning. PS- I have narcolepsy. I'm going to the sleep clinic at OHSU in a month and getting put on something to help me stay awake. I fell asleep on the fucking picnic table at Zach's hotdog joint even though I was SURROUNDED by like 15 people, on Sunday. This is getting O.O.C.

The bird is nibbling my toes, making noises that sound eerily like the evil flying beasts that the nazgul ride on in the lord of the rings trilogy.
If you're wondering what that sounds like, it sounds like:
Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech!!
Like a fuckin falcon posessed or something. How does a sound so scary come out of something so tiny and cute?
Mysteries abound.

Listening to the AB's One Match track all day has me in the mood to go smash shit and light it on fire. I'm gonna do homework for a while, then I think I might need to go do something. Like smash shit and then light it on fire. Fuck the po-lice. I'm out.

No comments: