100 MPH Through Downtown PDX

Last night was stupid and boring.

UNTIL
At approximately 3 AM, Alison and I were leaving the Sandy Hut at last call. Incidentally, I hate the fucking Sandy Hut- their good juke box only just begins to compensate for their otherwise obnoxious douchebag clientele, and I had originally outright refused to go there. Luckily, Alison wouldn't take no for an answer and since she was driving, I rolled with.

We were only there for about 30 minutes, but we endead up with this table of guys in some biker club. Whatever, I could give a fuck about your motorcycle credentials. Anyway, we quickly got too smashed to drive, so one of the guys gave us a ride home. On the way, another friend of theirs was flanking us on his bike. And there's me, wasted, leaning out the window yelling "I WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE!!!!!"

We get to the house, I stumble out of the car and reiterate my desire to ride bitch on his motorcycle.
Him: "Do you have a helmet?"
Me: "Um..."
Alison: "I have my old roller derby helmet!"
Me: "Let's go."

So here I am, in a denim mini skirt, platform knee-high boots and Alisons' leather jacket with roller derby helmet, climbing on the back of this bike with some guy I just met. Whiskey consumption makes for great decision-making skills, obviously. But I'm thinking, oh he'll just cruise me around the block, whoopdeefuckindoo.

Well, he rode down Broadway and takes a right on Williams.
Takes a left off Williams onto fucking I-5 North. Accelerates.
Takes the next right onto 405-South, up over the Fremont/405 Bridge.

Some of you live in PDX so you know how cool this was. Some of you don't, so let me help you get hip. From here on out, I'm including pictures so you understand how fucking awesome the city of Portland can be.

The 405/Fremont Bridge is not only the longest bridge in Portland, it's the second-longest tied-arch bridge in the WORLD. It's enormous. Its arches are stunning and you can see them from all over the city. It curves around from the northeast side of the city, over the Willamette River, then splits three ways once it hits the west side- the leftmost lane carrying you in a loop around downtown and eventually running back into I-5. It gives arguably one of the best views of the city as you come over it, especially at night.



The point is, this bridge is massive and beautiful and every time I drive over it, it's hard not to careen off the side of it while rubbernecking at the rest of the city falling behind and below.

So, we hop onto 405 South, and accelerate. Fast. How fast? Shit, I don't know. Fucking fast. We hit the first curve circumventing downtown, and I reach up to tighten Alison's helmet. Not realizing that the helmet was the only thing holding my broke-ass glasses on my face, I touched them and the wind ripped them off and they flew behind me and ate asphalt at approximately 90+ miles per hour.
Whoops.
So, now I'm blind.

We fly around the rest of 405 and hit I-5 again, and I'm thinking oh, we're getting back on I-5 North to head back to Broadway.
He takes I-5 South.
We continue to fly down the interstate approaching and exceeding speeds of 100 miles per hour. After blowing by the first available exit and knowing that the next one was several miles down, I started wondering if maybe this was such a good idea. Really, this guy could be a total psycho spiriting me away to his underground lair where I will never be seen or heard from again. What do I have with me? Cell phone? No. I have a wallet and a knife. Oh, and some chapstick. That'll come in handy.

Anyway, my minor freak-out was unnecessary because we took the next exit at Terwilliger Blvd. Apparently he just missed the prior one off the interstate, which is understandable since it's hard to read exit signs when the world is flying past you at cyclone-speed.

On the way back, we crossed the Marquam Bridge (I-5 over the Willamette):

Which is not only the busiest bridge in the entire state- it is also gives the best view of downtown PDX. Below is a photo taken from the bridge. Now imagine how stunning it is at night with all the downtown lights blurring on the river. If you've never been to Portland, you'll never know how much you can fall the fuck in love with this city just going over one of these bridges at night.



Anyway.
I eventually made it back to Alison's house. Still with a buzz on, freezing in my skirt and fucking BLIND.

Good time? Check.

Then I went to Eyes on Broadway, and they GAVE me a new pair of glasses.

In case you were wondering about my life, it's pretty much awesome.