I got a chemical burn on my ASS last night. Are you ready for this one?
So after the show at the Jolly Inn I was hanging out with Brody and his girlfriend Maliah. We decide that before we head back to my house we're going to go get something to eat, so I suggest Zack's Hotdog Shack on Hawthorne. Awesome, brilliant idea, good on ya, Dajah. We get there, order our food and I slide into a booth. I immediately realize the seat is wet. Not like, one part of the seat but the WHOLE seat. What the fuck. Why would there be water all over it? Ugh. I stand back up, grab a bunch of napkins to dry off the spot I was sitting and also to dry off my ass. Obviously I was wearing a mini-skirt and fishnets so my actual skin was wet.
Just about as soon as I'm done being annoyed by this, I realize that the very top of my left thigh is burning like crazy. Right under my ass, and it's getting worse and worse. It gets to a point where I strip down and take off my fishnets right there at the table, then go to the bathroom to check it out. Giant red mark. I go talk to the bartender and I'm like, "Yo, I'm not filing a complaint here because I know this sounds crazy, but I swear I'm not drunk. Something was on your seat and now my leg is apparently on fire. I don't have sensitive skin, I'm not being melodramatic, seriously there was something there that just burned my leg." He thinks I'm an idiot and says they don't use any chemical cleaning supplies, maybe I just sat in some hot sauce.
So somebody smeared fucking Aardvark sauce ALL over the entire seat?
That's the only explanation. A table full of drunk jackassed idiots were sitting there before us, and I don't know if it was an intentional act of terrorism or some freak accident, but I am not kidding when I say that my leg hurt so bad I could have CRIED.
I came home to a house full of boys and regaled them with my sad story. Nate and everyone else called bullshit and assumed I was drunk. Untill I re-positioned my leg for the livingroom to see and then everyone was like, "whoa, shit, there's something wrong with you."
Who gets a chemical burn from hot sauce?
It's me. Thanks.
